Pauling Out

Lately, I have missed the closeness with God that I once had. There was a time where God spoke to me so powerfully that I wrote with tears streaming down my face. Now I have a longing to write but God has seemed quiet. I am struggling but God seems distant but in reality I know I am the one who created the distance. So last night I poured it all out. I let God know that I've had a hard time trusting Him. That I am angry with Him. Ridiculous...I know! It must sound the same to Him as it does to me when my kids think a "no" from me  is completely unreasonable when I know I have good reasons to not let them go somewhere or do something they want to do.

I asked God to forgive me for my childish ways. And I asked for a word. Anything! I went to bed last night and woke up this morning drinking my coffee and one word came to me. Paul.

I started thinking of Paul's life. Once he became a believer he didn't have it easy. He spent time in jail. He got frustrated. He struggled with doing good at times.

I've been "Pauling Out"! I want to do good but it seems like a bad attitude creeps in and I can't do the good I want to do. I am frustrated. I realized its busyness in my life that keeps me from doing the good I know I should do! Busyness has become a sin. It keeps me from doing what is most important. It keeps me frustrated. It keeps me from doing what is truly important. It keeps me from God. It drains me. Life has gotten lost in the details. Lesson plans, grading, PO's, practices, fundraising, games, my own kids sports, are all such minor details that have become all consuming! Life is in the interactions. Its in a smile, a hug, an interaction, a word of encouragement. If we get lost in the details we never experience the life we were intended to have. The details drain us and strain those moments that should matter.

So I know the problem but still "Pauling Out" because I can't quit doing any of what I am doing! I know I need to make changes but nothing can change. So what now? I still look to Paul. Three times he begged God to take something from Him but God said,  2Corinthians 12:9 "My Grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." My answer is no matter how busy I get, I have to put God first and fill up with his word first. Then His spirit can work on mine and his strength can be used in my weakness." This is going to be tough. But getting over my tiff with God is a big first step. Trusting Him again, and going with Him rather than against him is another step. 

Appreciation

1 Corinthians 16:18 "You must show your appreciation to all who serve so well."

One of the most important things that I think is disappearing from our world is deep appreciation for others. I believe appreciation and respect are very closely related. I believe a lack of respect comes from a lack of appreciation for others.

The parents that show appreciation to teachers and coaches are usually the ones that have kids that respect their teachers and coaches. The parents that don't show appreciation are usually the ones that have kids disrespecting teachers, coaches and other authority figures.

In the real world, when employees feel appreciated they have more respect for their bosses. In the volunteer world, if volunteers feel appreciated for their efforts they will respect their commitment to serve.

Definition of Appreciation: the recognition and enjoyment of the good qualities of someone or something.

Definition of Respect: a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements.

As a teacher I constantly hear students who don't want to respect a teacher until the teacher respects them. There is no appreciation for the job teachers do. I've also seen teachers who can't appreciate the good qualities each student possesses.  Both students and teachers often get into a power struggle of respect. The solution is simple? Appreciation! Students and teachers both want to feel their efforts are noticed. Students begin acting out when good behavior doesn't give them attention but learn quickly bad behavior gets them noticed. Attention becomes the substitute for appreciation but attention never fills the void of wanting to be appreciated. Teachers feeling unappreciated makes for low morale and makes teachers less engaging.  We all want to know we matter and make a difference and hear it from others or be shown by others we matter. 

Throughout my life there are times I feel appreciated and other times I do not.  There are times where words or acts of kindness impacted me so much it made me better, and there are times the words don't seem sincere and a small act of kindness just seems like a bribe to ask a favor later which turns into making me bitter. Appreciation can't be hollow. It can't be used for manipulation and work. If that's how it is used then respect will never be gained.

So my point is look for ways to appreciate others. Start with the people who have been helpful to you. Then think about those you have a hard time respecting and find a way to thank them for something you appreciate them doing. 

STRUGGLING WITH STRUGGLE

I struggle with struggling! Ok let me try to explain this better.

My life feels like it is a boat out at sea. The waves of life crash at me and I am tossed around in the chaos. Other times life is still and I float effortlessly along. During both times though, I am aware that my boat is attached to a long, long rope that contains an anchor on the end. This anchor won't let me get lost at sea. It doesn't stop the waves from crashing and me thrashing about  but it won't let the waves take me from where I should be as long as I keep the rope attached. The anchor is God, the rope is my relationship with Him that I maintain through prayer, the Bible and worship.

So here is my struggle. Life crashes down on me with crazy schedules, unreal ecpectations, and financial strains. I know I am connected to my anchor. I pray many times a day. But there are days, I am overwhelmed with my burdens and underwhelmed by God's presence. There I said it. I struggle with my struggles! The bad part is I know this is a choice I make I know that if I connect with God with more than just my prayers, I can feel overwhelmed by His presence and underwhelmed by my burdens but there are days I choose not to do this.
Paul struggled like this. In Romans 7:15 he says " I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate, I do." He struggled with struggles too." There are many days it's not my struggles that get me down. It is actually my guilt for allowing those struggles to interfere with my ability to be a good witness for Christ that gets me down the most.

This week, I am trying to change this behavior by focusing more on God's word, worshipping more, prayer journaling more and hopefully ministering to someone reading this that has the same struggle. I would love to pray for anyone struggling with struggle like I am. So please comment or send me a message privately and I will pray for you!

Knowing Jesus

If Jesus were born today
Would we accept Him in the same way?
They say seeing is believing,
But many then thought he was deceiving.
Would we know who He was by the miracles he led?
Would we know it was Him if He lifted someone from the dead?
Or would we be like the religious leaders of His time?
Thinking He was blasphemous and only out to make a dime?

These questions are important in knowing our true heart
Do we truly know Jesus or do we just know the religious part?
Do we know the man or just the rules of His book?
I think it's important to know our hearts and take a good look.
Do we actually deny Jesus everyday by being more about church than about Him?
Are we more about the rules and don't love people as much as our love to condemn?
I feel guilty sometimes for knowing more about the church and the Bible than the man
I know the history more than I actually talk to the man firsthand.

Would I too miss it if Jesus walked right passed me?
Would I be too blinded to even know or see?
Would I be a follower if He was in the form of a man?
Or would I be like the Pharisees scorning Him because I can?

Who am I truly? A follower of Christ or of man?
Would I be influenced by others or clearly see God's plan?
I wonder if I would believe Mary and Joseph's story.
Would I scorn them or rejoice in God's glory?
Hindsight is 20/20, but what if we were there?
Which way would we react or would we even care?

These questions come up as I see signs from Revelations that He is coming once again
How many will miss the second coming because of their wordly sin
How many who know of Him but don't truly know Him will be left behind
Left to feel the consequences of their hearts having gone cold and blind
It won't work to use your knowledge as meeting Jesus isn't a trivia test
It's about did you really know Him and if you do you will be eternally blesssed

Will He pass you by when He comes again?
Is knowing the truth but not knowing the man your sin?
These questions I ask to make sure my heart is right
None of us can afford to miss God's Eternal Light
So questions yourself as I have done
For the only way to Heaven is through the Son.