Perfectly Imperfect

Psalm 101:7 No one who practices deceit will dwell in my house; no one who speaks falsely will stand in my presence.

The truth is in a delicate balance with grace. "Everything that you say must be true but not everything that is true must be said," Pastor Groeschel.  Over the years, I've tried to keep the balance between truth and Grace. It's hard. Discernment is needed. I fail more times than I should especially with those closest to me. Yet, I still try to get it right. 

This verse hit me today because  technology is changing how I see this verse. I was starting to make our family's 2019 slideshow. The first pictures of 2019 are family pics we took after my grandmother's funeral. We are smiling in front of my Grammie's red barn. We were celebrating her life but her being gone has been more difficult than I could imagine but you don't see that in my 2019 highlight reel. You also see the same type of picture after Chad's grandmother passed away but you might not recognize Chad's Bell's Palsy or know how much stress he was under at that time.  There are no pics from the hardest days of 2019 and there are no social media posts from the hardest days I've ever faced this year but again not everything that is true must be said. And everything I've posted, is true. Yet putting together a 2019 family slideshow, showed me the biggest moments, the hardest moments aren't captured by a camera but were captured by our hearts. 

When I looked at my social media posts for 2019, although everything I posted was true, there is an aspect of deceit in never posting the bad days. Wanting people to think or believe you are doing great with the highlights but never giving a glimpse into how hard life actually is. I felt convicted to make sure others out there know that the Stone's aren't perfect. We have had our share of rough times this year. Details aren't important but the truth is. And the truth is, we've struggled but the truth is we also stand together even stronger and we celebrate our highlights because they truly do mean more to you when you suffered through some lows together.

As 2019 comes to an end and this decade closes, I can't help but look forward to spending the first few days of 2020 in Miami. I can't help but look forward to a fresh start with our family not because we are perfect but because we are perfectly imperfect. 

When You Are Called to Love

Luke 6:27-28 “But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you."

Jesus instructed us all on how to act with those that mistreat us, hate us, and serve as enemies against us. Jesus lived this out when he prayed for those persecuting Him on the cross. But as a Christian, I seldom see Christians getting this part right and that includes me.

Several years ago when the kids were younger, we encountered our first "being let go" from our coaching jobs. This hurt tremendously as we had plans for being there a long time, we had family close by and we were turning a corner in the program and it was all taken away by a new Superintendent. We were all so disappointed and angry. I could tell bitterness could take an easy root in our angry hearts, so I did something about it. Everytime any of the four of us, had a negative thing to say about our circumstances of moving, we had to say at the end, "God Bless ______" (insert name of superintendent here). It developed to anytime one of us thought something negative about our move we'd say out loud "God Bless _____" It developed into all 4 of us finishing each other's sentences saying "God Bless ______" Now these blessings did not come out cheerful. They didn't sound genuine. And still today if something is said about that time period in our life it ends with "God Bless ____". But it did allow us to teach our kids to bless those who come against them and it did stop bitterness from taking control of us.

But since then, there have been many others who have come against us. There have been many decisions made by people that I just don't understand or agree with. I even tried to skirt by not having to pray for any of them by not letting anger take root in me and just forgiving those who come against our family. But God convicted me. The verse doesn't say "do good to those you hate" it says do good to those  who hate you "! So me forgiving them doesn't mean they don't still hate me".You still have to "Pray for those who mistreat you" even if you feel you have forgiven them, you really haven't forgiven them if praying for them is hard to do. 

To me this is the hardest thing Jesus asked us to do, love our enemies.  But when I look at it from a parents perspective, I can remember times when my son and daughter argued so much, fought over things, and truly were each other's biggest enemy. I remember separating the two, and reminding them that they are family, they are on the same team, and they need to love each other and help each other rather than fighting. And then I realize how I see my kids, is exactly how God sees all of us. We are all His children. That is why He wants us to love one another.

I challenge Christians everywhere to pray for those who come against you. It's OK if it's not genuine at first, keep praying, and even if your prayers don't change the person you are praying for, or don't change the circumstances, it will change you and serve as a barrier for your heart to not be consumed with bitterness and anger.

When The Season Ends

As a coach's wife, this for me is the dreaded time of the year, when the season ends.  Only 1 team in our class, will end with a win, the rest end our seasons on a loss unless you don't make the play-offs but win your last game.  So the majority of us, end the season wishing for more no matter how good or bad the season went.  So what happens "When the Season Ends" for me as a coach's wife?  

• When the season ends there is sadness.  It is not uncommon for me to feel extremely down for several weeks.  The most common reasons for this sadness is disappointment for not reaching our goal, knowing it's the seniors last game, and the uncertainty of our future.
• When the season end there is an abrupt stop.  For months, we keep up insane schedules and go, go, go and then it just stops.  This year I coordinated and/or cooked 30 meals for team/coaches over 12 weeks. I did this while taking care of everything at home and making it to our own kids softball, basketball and football games.  
• When the season ends there is frayed nerves.  No matter what your record is there is always someone who complains about the coach and of course I hear it or see it on social media.  There's not much I can do about any of it but it gets on my nerves tremendously! Top it off with being tired and you have some frayed nerves.
• When the season ends there is exhaustion.  As soon as it comes to an abrupt stop, slowing down brings upon an exhaustion that is like no other.  Coupled with the sadness, it can be borderline depression. 
• When the season ends there is re-adjustment.  For months my husband hasn't been home, hasn't been able to help out around the house, or attend all of the kids games or spend much quality time together and at the sound of a buzzer, all that changes.  He is now home, exhausted, has his own frayed nerves and he feels a need to get re-adjusted to all of this too!  When the season is over, we don't automatically go to normal.  It's very hard to ease in to the life we had before the season.
• When the season ends there is worry.  Will you be back next season?  What does next season look like? This part sticks with you all year but right after the season worry hits his peak no matter what your record is! 
• When the season ends there is excitement.  Yes you read this right.  In the sadness, and the exhaustion their is a little excitement about getting my best friend back.  About my own kids, having their dad's full attention. The possibility of a long over-due date night.  Family meals together again!  Attending a real church rather than doing church online!  

I don't think others outside the coaching family realize how hard all of this can be on the coach and the family.  It's our life.  It's not just a job or a game.  We didn't wake up this morning and just get on with life.  It's a long process! 

The Field

This picture speaks to my heart and brings tears to my eyes! I want to share the Bible verses this field represents to me.

Psalm 126:5 Those who plant in tears will harvest with shouts of joy! They weep as they go to plant their seed but they sing as they return with the harvest.

1 Corinthians 3:7 It's not important who does the planting or the watering, what is important is God made the seed grow!

1 Corinthians 3:9 And you are God's field!

Psalm 96:12 Let the field and all that is in it burst out in joy!

I look at this field and I know the tears that got us here. I know the pain. I also know God's faithfulness and I know He created a way when there was no way!

The emotions I feel just looking at this field, are deep rooted in the faith that I have in this season. I am anxious, nervous, I feel unprepared in every way and I have every reason to doubt things won't be any different this year, but way deep, there's faith the size of a mustard seed that says this year is going to be different! And you know what? All you need is mustard seed sized faith! Seeds planted, constant watering, and it is up to God to grow that seed! I am not talking about just winning games, I am talking about winning over people to God!

Tomorrow night we begin our season at home! I honestly don't know if I can keep tears from not streaming down my face. The field gets me emotional!  When I read in scripture, "You are God's field" how can I not look at the football field and not feel a deep love for God and be humbled by His love and His work in our life!

Whether the season brings winning and joy or losses and heartache, my mustard seed of faith will stay rooted and it will grow when God sees fit for it to grow!

Turning 40 and 40 Things I 've Learned

A few weeks ago, turning 40 seemed very depressing. What have I accomplished in 40 years? That question was depressing and life surely hasn't gone as I had thought or planned. God directed me to ask myself, "What have you learned in 40 years?" I began thinking about that and I challenged myself to come up with 40 things I have learned. The first 39 items, came to me so quickly that I could barely write fast enough to keep up with my own thoughts. God was bringing some important truths I have learned over the years and I fervently wrote them down in a short 30 minutes. When I looked to see how many I had, there was only 39. It seemed strange that 39 things flowed so quickly but #40, I was drawing a complete blank! Then God said "Your #40 is something you have yet to learn but something that will forever change your perspective. (I'll get more to #40 in a minute).

I felt these 40 things, should be private since they are the things I have learned but God has been pulling me to share what I have learned. In my busyness, I have not been obedient to it. And #24 clearly shows I know better than to delay what God asks me to do. But I also think it brings up an interesting point. Although I have learned these 40 things, it doesn't mean I am perfect in these 40 things. It means that I know them and although I strive to do them, I am not perfect and I fail over and over just like everyone else.

40 Things I Have Learned

1. I am usually unhappy in life when I try to fill up on things rather than fill up on God's word.

2. Marriage takes work and doesn't run on feelings but rather on a deep commitment.

3. Commitment fails when it's just a feeling. Commitment is determination + perseverance.

4. Happiness is short lived but real joy lasts despite the circumstances changing.

5. Chasing after things that don't matter is a wasted life. Make sure what you are striving for is worth it.

6. Parenting done right takes work. It doesn't mean hovering over your children but there's never a day off.

7. There's never time to do that thing or see that person you have been meaning to see so make the time.

8. If the devil can't make you do wrong, then he makes you busy. Guard against unnecessarily being burdened with things to do.

9. Life has very little to do with the job you do.  It has more to do with the work God asks you to do.

10. Never let a job take you away from doing the work God asks you to do.

11. Your marriage is important but your relationship with God is even more important. Keep Him first.

12. Your children are important but your marriage needs to come before the kids for things to work.

13. It is possible to love friends as family.

14. Taking time to rest is important.

15. Most problems are created by ourselves or others because they serve as distractions keeping us from seeing what we really need to see.

16. Life is very seldom about what we see it's about going deeper.

17. When you realize the road to heaven is narrow, you realize how many aren't heading towards the path that will take them there.

18. The closer you get to God the more your viewpoint changes.

19. We make loving one another more complicated than it needs to be.

20. Forgiveness sets you free even when the other person shows no signs of wanting to be forgiven- forgive them anyways.

21 If you look for good you will find it.  If you look for bad you will find it.  Look for what is best for you to find.

22. God will fight your battles for you if you let him.

23. You don't have to have all the answers, you just have to have all the prayers.

24. Delayed obedience is not obedience at all.

25. Time heals wounds only when you pray over those wounds.

26. Don't confuse the right thing to do and the easy thing to do. Doing the right thing  ALMOST ALWAYS is NEVER the easy thing to do.

27. Doing the right thing even when you don't want to is the definition of obedience.

28. Relationships are all that matter.

29. Be committed before you marry and take divorce off the table as an option.

30. Relationships can thrive after going through difficult times.

31 Don't rob yourself of an amazing outcome because you quit when things got hard. It's a process. Stay with it.

32. Trust God not people.  People will let you down. God will not let you down even when you feel like he is. His ways are better than ours. 

33. You'll never understand God's love for you until you become a parent.

34. You'll never understand your parent's love for you until you become a parent.

35. Life is comprised of the small things that when brought together let you see the true picture.

36. Success does not equal fame or money.  Success lies in your obedience to God.

37. I've never felt like who I am has aged, just feel like time brought about more understanding.

38. People only remember how you made them feel.

39. Life lessons often repeat until you learn from them.

40. What you do for others is never taken for granted by God.

And there it is #40.  "What you do for others is never taken for granted by God!".  In this season of life, it's easy to feel taken for granted.  But God, He sees it and He isn't taking this for granted.  He knows what I am doing.  He appreciates the obedience! He could do without the "pouting" part though and I think that's why he brought this to my attention! 

With a fresh perspective having wrote this weeks ago, the over-arching theme in these 40 things is "Priorities", "Obedience" and "Relationships".  You need to establish things in the right order with God first, then your marriage, then your kids.  You need to be obedient to His word and what He asks you to do.  And life is all about "relationships".  Your relationship with God first, then your relationship with your spouse, then your children, then the relationships outside of that. It's amazing to think of the huge chunk of time, I have devoted to work either as being a manager or being a teacher and stepping back and realizing that the life God wants us to have has little to do with our 40+ hour a week job but has to do more with the relationships we build and the obedience to Him while we are there!   

I hope this list helps someone in someway.  Sometimes I am very excited to share what God has shown me and other times I'd rather keep it to myself.  This is one I'd rather keep to myself but God has urged me to share. Thanks for taking the time to read it.  

Providence

Providence is the "protective care of God."   When I am going through difficult times, providence always comes to my mind.  It's not talked about a lot.  It's not something you hear preached about but it's something God always whispers in my ear. Providence.

I've seen God's providence in my life so many times!  The first time I remember God's Providence over my life was waking up one morning before school  when I was in 3rd or 4th grade and asking my mom if I should go get the mail that morning.  Everyday I got up without ever asking and went and got the mail.  But that morning, I asked and my mom she said, "No don't worry about it. Just enjoy your breakfast and go on to school." When I left for school, there was an ambulance at the Post Office.  I found out at school there was a shooting and a man died.  My mom went to the Post Office later and the Postmaster was still cleaning up the blood.  He was shaking and told my mom that the shooting happened at the time I show up every single morning.  So he had grabbed his gun and was going to protect me and shoot the shooter if I walked in!  God's Providence!  He covered me by prompting me to ask my mom, he prompted my mom to send me off to school and he prompted the Post Master to be ready just in case! God's protection was there even if I had been disobedient and not asked, God had layers of providence in place.

Later at 14 when my dad died, there was  God's providence !  Looking back, we lost my dad and the family business all at the same time.  I can only imagine now how scary that all must have been for my mom.  But God provided for us and still does.

Then at 25 I was leaving work and didn't put my seat belt on because I never did.  I saw 3 police cars, before I went ahead and put that seatbelt on. 5 minutes later, I was hit on the highway going home and my car flipped.  I found myself dangling upside down with the passenger door right next to me and the back of the car was all the way to the driver seat.  The wreck was so bad they called for a Medi-flight but after being cut out of the car and taken to the hospital on a backboard, I walked out of the hospital with just a few cuts and an encounter with an angel (but that's a story for another time). God's providence!

The doctors had told us that we wouldn't be able to have kids as my heart wouldn't be strong enough. I found this out before we got married and tried to call of our marriage so that Chad could have his own kids.  Again God's providence showed up and Chad refused to NOT marry me!  And 5 years after heart surgery, I was pregnant with Lindsay! When I was very sick and our son was born premature at 4lbs 11oz and he and I left the hospital together in just a few days!  God's protection was over us both!

When we built our first house, I was naturally drawn to the "Providence" Floor Plan and that is the one we selected! I loved the idea of the foundation of our life and our home is on "Providence".

In everything, from jobs, to our safety, to our family, to our home, God has continued to show His Providence over us. I am blessed beyond measure how a whisper from God saying "Providence" immediately plays a long list of examples in my life where His providence was shown and it forces out the worries going through my head!

Pauling Out

Lately, I have missed the closeness with God that I once had. There was a time where God spoke to me so powerfully that I wrote with tears streaming down my face. Now I have a longing to write but God has seemed quiet. I am struggling but God seems distant but in reality I know I am the one who created the distance. So last night I poured it all out. I let God know that I've had a hard time trusting Him. That I am angry with Him. Ridiculous...I know! It must sound the same to Him as it does to me when my kids think a "no" from me  is completely unreasonable when I know I have good reasons to not let them go somewhere or do something they want to do.

I asked God to forgive me for my childish ways. And I asked for a word. Anything! I went to bed last night and woke up this morning drinking my coffee and one word came to me. Paul.

I started thinking of Paul's life. Once he became a believer he didn't have it easy. He spent time in jail. He got frustrated. He struggled with doing good at times.

I've been "Pauling Out"! I want to do good but it seems like a bad attitude creeps in and I can't do the good I want to do. I am frustrated. I realized its busyness in my life that keeps me from doing the good I know I should do! Busyness has become a sin. It keeps me from doing what is most important. It keeps me frustrated. It keeps me from doing what is truly important. It keeps me from God. It drains me. Life has gotten lost in the details. Lesson plans, grading, PO's, practices, fundraising, games, my own kids sports, are all such minor details that have become all consuming! Life is in the interactions. Its in a smile, a hug, an interaction, a word of encouragement. If we get lost in the details we never experience the life we were intended to have. The details drain us and strain those moments that should matter.

So I know the problem but still "Pauling Out" because I can't quit doing any of what I am doing! I know I need to make changes but nothing can change. So what now? I still look to Paul. Three times he begged God to take something from Him but God said,  2Corinthians 12:9 "My Grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." My answer is no matter how busy I get, I have to put God first and fill up with his word first. Then His spirit can work on mine and his strength can be used in my weakness." This is going to be tough. But getting over my tiff with God is a big first step. Trusting Him again, and going with Him rather than against him is another step.