Then things began to change. I started my first year of teaching. I teach 4 different classes and had a fashion show to plan and also manage our classes cookie business. Now I see that it is a lot for a new teacher especially one who is a bit older with no education background! But not only that, our son started Kindergarten and our daughter began 3rd grade (a pretty tough year in school) oh and it was FOOTBALL season which meant the homefront was mine to manage and also had to work on encouraging and supporting Chad. My intentions were good at first. I was still going to tackle my "Christian Chore List" and gave myself a little break because I was of course doing God's work! He had provided this job for me against the odds, right! But shortly after that when it didn't take a week to get settled and I had become more overwhelmed than I thought possible, I began to see I wasn't reading the Bible or worshipping like I had and my prayers had gone down significantly. I was still going to church but it no longer was a supplement it was my only source of God and I made that a priority for a while. I thought I was just settling into what I believe most "Christians" do. Then it hit me that really I only had a "relationship with church". I no longer had the relationship with God that I had so deeply enjoyed the 15 months prior to me working. I had become the Hypocrite that I had been so judgemental of in the past!
What did I do? I quit going to church. I couldn't be a hypocrite any longer. I had to examine if my "Christian Chore List" was really what God wanted. He opened my eyes to see that even when I had totally committed myself to Him, I had been developing "Pharisee Philosophy" at the same time. As I became closer to God, I had been making the "rules" of how to keep that intimacy with God. Rather than realizing that my devotion to Him comes from Him when I ask, I began believing that I had to perform all these tasks to maintain that relationship when the truth was, those acts flow naturally and can even change daily depending on how God chooses to act when you simply just talk with Him. God knew fully well that I was not going to be able to keep up my "list" and it was never His purpose for me to put Him on my "To do list". Just like when going shopping with a friend, it is not on your list to talk with him/her, you automatically do it because you enjoy that persons company. When you realize God is with you always, you don't put Him on your to do list, you talk with him constantly because you enjoy His presence.
I will be going back to church soon. Church is never to be your only source of God for the week. It is just a supplement. This experience has opened up my eyes and I believe there are a lot more people who really only have a relationship with Church and confuse it to believe that it translates to a relationship with God. Churches with the best intentions blur this line for followers as well. It at time seems like the focus is more to serve the church and the church's name than it is to serve God. But serving God first naturally leads you to serve the church either within the walls it is built or in the broader sense of being the church and serving the world.
