What Do You Want Out Of Life?

 God said to me, “I know you keep feeling that something is missing in your life. What do you want out of life?”

My first thought was happiness but being happy is too shallow.  My thoughts turned to joy but that is selfish too. If God is really asking me what I want out of life, those answers didn’t seem to cut it.  I thought of love but I have love so it’s not missing from my life.

God turned my attention over to the prayers I have been sending up lately.  Prayers to sell this house and to provide another place for us to live as we move and for us to be successful at our new jobs.  So he asked me, “Is it money and success you want out of life?”  And although that was what I had been praying for, I knew it wasn’t what was missing either.  He then brought my constant prayers to my attention, the ones for my family, friends and church.  Do you want the ones you love to always be safe?  And  this one sounded the most appealing.  I especially want my children to live a long safe life but I was left feeling that this isn’t quite it either.

I thought long and hard about this and since I already have a relationship with God, I knew it wasn’t God missing from my life.  What is it that I keep wanting, but don’t quite have that I can’t put my finger on?  What is it that I know I once had but now in its absence I can’t  figure out what it is? 

Then my answer came but It came as a question, I said “Faithfulness?”

It didn’t seem that could be it.  Faithfulness?  I have faith!  I know Jesus died on the cross for my sins and I know I am going to heaven.  I read my Bible and go to church and try to do the right thing.  Why would faithfulness be what I am lacking? 

Then the flashbacks came from this entire year.  The huge disappointments, the betrayals, the way life has taken us in a direction we never thought it would take.  The hurt and the pain that has drove us to want to take things into our own hands.  The gratefulness for their being a safe place to fall but the resentment of our other plans not working out.  All of these things pointed to not being faithful to God’s ultimate plan.  That the hurt and the pain had to happen to drag us to where God wanted us to be.  We wouldn’t have left on our own and so God had to hand deliver us.  The emphasis for us the past several months has been on what God has taken from us but God is showing us He has given us more than He took away. 

So now I know what I want out of life.  I want faithfulness.  I want to be faithful to God.  I want to do His will not my own.  I want to feel his faithfulness each day.  As a by-product of this faithfulness, I will find joy, there will be days of happiness, and by faith I know God will provide for our family what we need and that He will provide safety.  I know by faith He has every detail of our life already planned out.  I know all of this because I have lived all of this.  I have had faith through everything although it was just a mustard seed.  It took faith to keep moving through the pain.  I never lost my faith but faithfulness  is much deeper.  Faith is knowing what the Bible says and finding hope in a scripture. Faithfulness is believing it and living it out in our life. Faithfulness is full surrender to His word and to His will not just knowing His Word and praying for His will. Somewhere through the journey I held tight to my faith but lost my faithfulness.  I would have never figured this out on my own.  God saved me from myself once again!