In The Same Boat

^{Mark 8: 16}  They discussed this with one another and said, “It is because we have no bread.”

¹⁷ Aware of their discussion, Jesus asked them: “Why are you talking about having no bread? Do you still not see or understand? Are your hearts hardened? ¹⁸ Do you have eyes but fail to see, and ears but fail to hear? And don’t you remember? ¹⁹ When I broke the five loaves for the five thousand, how many basketfuls of pieces did you pick up?”

“Twelve,” they replied.

²⁰ “And when I broke the seven loaves for the four thousand, how many basketfuls of pieces did you pick up?”

They answered, “Seven.”  ²¹ He said to them, “Do you still not understand?”

Reading how the disciples had not long ago witnessed Jesus take a few loaves of bread and broke them into pieces to feed 5,000 and 4,000 people, and now they are in a boat with Jesus and now they all forgot their lunch pail and are all grumbling over food.  Can you imagine already forgetting what Jesus had done and knowing He can and has provided for you before?

Well it’s exactly what I do many times a day and I bet you do too!  We forget what God has already done and let our set of circumstances define the situation.

• We see how our kids are struggling in school but forget about how God delivered the same child out of shyness to become an outgoing child.
• We see how sick a parent is and feel the overwhelming circumstances of it all but forget about how God showed up big time and saw us through the last time.
• We see how we are both out of jobs and unsure of our future and forget about the time God provided for us through a full year of unemployment!
• We see how impossible every thing looks but forget how all things are possible through Christ! 

 As the many times God has provided for me floods my mind, I still go back to my problems and that's when God hits me upside the head and He says, “Hello, do you still not understand?  Don’t you get it yet!  It’s going to be just fine! I got this! Just like every other time! Understand!”  and then in that instance my heart begins to melt. 

Our hearts can get hardened by our circumstances.  Anytime what we are going through is more of the focus than God our hearts begin to turn to stone.   That’s why it is important to come to God with all of our problems first.  The disciples had Jesus right there and all they had to do was ask him what they should do about not having any lunch.  Jesus was in the SAME BOAT as they were and they let their circumstances be the main focus and not Jesus and there are plenty of times we all do the same thing!  Jesus is in the SAME BOAT we are in each and everyday.  Look to him for answers  and keep the focus there!  

Spiritual Suicide

 At this critical time in my life, I have no hopes, no dreams, no ideas of what we should do or where we should go.  In January, I told my husband that this must be what happens right before you die.  Proverbs 29:18 "Where there is no vision, the people will perish." I lost my chazown (Hebrew word for vision).  I clearly had none.  I don't want to stay here but I don't want to leave.  I don't want to teach anymore but I don't want to quit teaching either.  Nothing added up in my life and I had no vision to see what was next in our life.  I normally research out every job my coaching husband applies for.  I usually have a home picked out, a church in mind, and even ideas of what local restaurants the kids and I will go to before games.  I usually have all of this done before he even sends out his resume.  All it takes, is for him to show interest in a job and I have a full blown plan made so that if we do end up going there, we have a plan!   But not this time.  I have no interest in leaving and no interest in going somewhere.  I was sure this meant I would die soon.

Then on February 1st, we went to a FCA Coaches Retreat.  I was sitting there that Saturday morning listening to the ladies speaker.  Something she said triggered me to think about my situation.  So I asked God this, "Why is it that I have no plans for my future?  Why is it that I can't see past this day and because of my lack of vision am I going to die soon?"  God spoke to me right there in that room with all of these other coaches wives and said this:  "You are attempting spiritual suicide by taking your life into your own hands rather than giving and keeping your life in my hands.  I am intervening and you will wait upon me this time and fully trust me to guide you."  

Spiritual Suicide!  I had never heard of that before!  But I was taking my own life in my hands each day in the spiritual sense. I started thinking back on my life and realized how many spiritual suicide attempts I have made!  My attempts over my life time have ranged from making my own plans in life thinking I know better than God to knocking and trying to beat down doors God has closed that He doesn't want me in. Thankfully, each time I became spiritually suicidal, God showed me that I was wrong and to trust Him completely

Walking through life now each day feels like I have amnesia of my future. I have no recollection of exactly what my hopes for our future are until someone says something and it triggers me remembering that at one time that was my hope!  When I think of my future all I see is white, a clean slate waiting to have information imprinted upon it.  I have had no preferences of where life will take us but each day He is slowly bringing about desires in my heart.  Desires of hope that have been previously deferred but rather than jumping on those desires, I choose to sit back and watch God unfold His plan perfectly.    Jeremiah 29:11   "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  

Each day I have to remind myself that I don't have to know the plan.  My knowledge  of a plan has nothing to do with my destiny but I certainly have impatient moments when I just want the answers to come, the plan revealed and to be on the other side of this mountain in our life.  But I take comfort in knowing that God's timing is better than mine.  God's plan is better than mine and if I am truly serving Him, the first thing I must serve is my life up to Him and not take it back.  

Hope Deferred

Proverbs 13:12 Hope deferred makes the heart sick but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life.



The word "hope" means to want something to happen.
The word "deferred " means to postpone.
The term "heart sick" means to be depressed.




So basically, "Wanting something to happen that is being postponed will make you depressed."

How true that is!  Our family is at a time where we are heart sick.   Our dreams are on hold.  We still have faith (definition: complete trust) that our dreams will be fulfilled in time but in the mean time we find ourselves depressed.



I always thought it was interesting that it is worded as "Hope deferred".  It's not "hope denied", or "Changed hope".   It simply means when our hope is postponed, delayed, yet to come, that we become depressed, sorrowful and sad.  Right now, I find solace in finding proof in the Bible that its OK for us to feel like we do right now.  It doesn't mean we are weak in faith to not be "joyful in trials of many kinds" through every minute of our circumstances.  We certainly have had our moments where our joy transcends all circumstances and we do have a peace within us but at the same time we are heart sick and that is OK.



I find tremendous hope in the second part of this verse!  "But a dream fulfilled is a tree of life"

The word "dream" means to contemplate the possibility of doing something.
The word "fulfilled" means to "be happy in developing one's abilities or character fully.
The term "tree of life" means "a source of eternal life and blessings"



So basically, "When the possibility of doing something is finally developed into reality it's an incredible blessing!"



Right now my Hope holds on to the possibility of something finally developing into a reality and being such a blessing to our family!    I am looking forward to the day that our present situation moves into the realm of the past and our future is finally our present!  But until then, I'll continue teetering on the line of being joyful in affliction and being heart sick without feeling like I must be weak in faith to feel both sides of it! I'll continue to wait for the fulfilled dream and seek God's guidance through this unknown time and hold onto this as well,  Psalm 37:4 "Take delight in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart."