Sandwich Generation

Mmm. . . Sandwich! I love sandwiches but I don't care so much for being called one!  The sandwich generation is what they are calling those who still have children to raise at home but also care for sick/elderly parents.  We joined this "club sandwich" when our oldest was 5 and our youngest was just 2! Last month our oldest turned 10 and our youngest just turned 7 a few months back.  I have had a hard time the last several weeks dealing with the fact my kids are growing up and realizing that a lot of time I could have been spending with them has been caring for and dealing with my husband's mother. 

I won't get into details of what the difficulties are we face daily but it's enough that our kids feel it too.  It's hard to be financially responsible for two different households but the dynamics work best when she has her own apartment.  Statistics show that those who are in the "sandwhich generation" typically turn down new jobs (done that), quit existing ones to stay home (done that), and typically have more health issues (check) than those who are not caught in the middle, and are also typically more tired and stressed (check).

So why do we do it?  Because we are called to do it and we have a responsibility to act. 

1Timothy 5:3-4 Take care of any widow who has no one else to care for her.  But if she has children or grandchildren; their first responibility is to show godliness at home and repay their parents by taking care of them.  This is something that pleases God. 

1Timothy 5:8 But those who won't care for their relatives, especially those in their own household, have denied the true faith. Such people are worse than unbelievers.

My flesh cries out almost daily not to take care of the responbility that lies in our lap but the Holy Spirit is in me and because of His daily presence in my life, I can not deny the true faith!  The scriptures don't say "those who are financially able take care of your parents, or those who have already raised their children then take care of your parents, or only take care of the parents that are easy to get along with that won't cause you problems.  There are no "outs" in this scripture!  The scripture even commands grandchildren to step up!  So when our kids had to share a room at age 2 and 5, to make room for their grandmother, this is the scripture we pointed too.  Even a 2 and a 5 year old didn't have an "out" in this scripture! 

The true message I hope I convey here, is that sometimes God calls us to do HARD things!  Things that seem to contradict what we want.  I sometimes wonder why God gave me these children  when He clearly hasn't given us what I would call "good circumstances" to raise them in. Like I said before, I have had a hard few weeks realizing how much of their lives they've been apart of this sandwich and how I miss the time lost with them.  But really God has given us the BEST circumstances to raise our kids in.  They know what it means to sacrifice for family.  They know what it means to care for someone even when its difficult and even when they'd rather be doing something else.  There are times when doing the right thing isn't something you want to do at all but then there's the spirit leading you to do the thing you don't want to do!  So you just "sigh" and get to doing what you know you were called to do!  That's how you move forward and that's how it gets better.  It's not whether or not the person you are caring for shows appreciation or even realizes what you do for them each and everyday, it's knowing that God is pleased!

Melody of a Heart.

  *NOTE* I wrote this several years ago and submitted this story to be a part of a devotional book.  The rules stated it couldn't be on a blog, it had to be unpublished material so I never posted it.  But here it is now. 

Melody of a Heart

I was at my women’s Bible study where we were discussing our next Beth Moore bible study “Breaking Free”.  Some of the women in the group were doing this study for the 2^nd time and were giving their testimony as to what God revealed to them and how their lives had been changed.   As I was listening to these stories, my mother-in-law who has been battling cancer, came to my mind.  She lived with us for 14 months until she was able to be on her own once again.  Since leaving our home, depression and loneliness, had set in coupled with her still shaky faith.  I felt God telling me to go and buy her a study book and invite her to our Bible Study.  Knowing her and how she avoids socializing, I just didn’t see why God wanted me to do this.

As I left our Bible study, I told our leader at the door that I was going to go and pick one up for my mother-in-law and invite her to Bible study.  As I got in the car driving to the store, I kept asking God, “Really, God!  Is this really going to strike a chord with her?”  So I ran into the Christian bookstore and grabbed the book.  The young lady at the counter rang me up and there was one candle holder at the end of the check-out counter and nothing else.  She picked it up and said, “My manager said this is free to whoever wants it. Would you like it?”   I didn’t even look at but said “yes, thank you” because I was thinking of my husband’s comment in our last snow storm about how we don’t have many candles anymore.  So I get into the car and decide to look in the bag at the candle and candle holder. (See picture above) It said, “Whenever one strikes the chord of another’s heart, the resulting melody lasts a lifetime”.  Tears fled my eyes remembering how I had just asked God if this was going to strike a chord and there in my bag was the answer!  I realized how God wanted to use this study to help my mother-in-law!

Ephesians 5:17  “Don’t act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do...5:19 “. . . be filled of the Holy Spirit, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs among yourselves and making music to the Lord in your hearts.”

I had to understand what God wanted me to do to realize how it is that you make music to the Lord in your hearts. The spiritual song God wanted me to share with her was this Bible Study! To share with her how women have been released from captivity reading this, studying scripture and through fervent prayer.

How beautiful it was also, that God used a candle to speak this to me.   How he was showing me that He wants her to see the light and no matter how weary I’m growing in trying to help my mother-in-law with her faith that I should not give up!  He is the light and in John 8:12 Jesus proclaims. “. ..I am the light of the world. If you follow me, you won’t have to walk in darkness because you will have the light that leads to life.”

We are in Week 3 of our Bible Study and although she hasn’t come to the Bible Study, she has done some of the homework in her book at a slower pace.  I imagine God listening to her heart hearing her practice a few notes each day just in sweet anticipation of the day those notes come together in a beautiful melody for Him! 

*Now just a couple of years after I wrote this, in August of 2011 my mother-in-law was saved and baptized.  I want everyone to know that it wasn’t the study guide that I gave her that got her to commit to Christ.  She doesn’t trace it all back to the day I brought her that study guide as the day God started working on her heart.  It goes back further.  All along the way we planted the seeds God asked us to plant.  It didn’t just start when she came home with us from the hospital either.  It was even before then.  God had us planting seeds for years before we could see anything take root and grow in her.  So my advice to anyone who has someone like her in your life, keep planting even if it is not the right season for the person, keep planting because you never know when the seeds will grow!